do you ever feel like you are stuck in something and can’t do anything about it? you don’t know whether you can get out of it or not, and you don’t know what the cause of it in the first place. sometimes you just don’t know the reason, but you stuck anyway. maybe it is a way of god to tell you that you’ve done something bad and you should fix it or you should be responsible for it. it has never been god’s way to punish you severely. you just think it is no good, but truly, god giving you another opportunity not to mess up with your life. in time like this, you should turn to a friend. sorry to say, i don’t have any close friend. does it make me less human? does it make me feel powerful? no … i just feel lonely. i don’t have anyone to turn to, and i only blame myself for all it cost. in the middle of hustle and bustle of “friends gathering” last night, i didn’t see myself fit there properly. sure i know who she is or who he is, but i wasn’t letting myself to be notice and pretend that everything was all right. at home, i feel like screaming … but a call from an old friend (if i can say a friend) made me thinking about my life and my accomplishment. there he is, away from anyone he loves. his girlfriend in jakarta and he is in blistering cold in scotland. but it’s all their choices. i wish i had a wonderful romantic experience like that. want to have someone to turn to, a soul mate. god says that we all have a soul mate. i think i haven’t found mine. he is somewhere out there. i believe god will show me the way eventually. i just wish it will be really soon. good night my love. wherever and whoever you are …
